Forgeting

It seems like im forgetting about him and hes becoming less and less of consequence. If im thinking this ihe is probably thinking the same thing : ( so Idk if I should say HAPPY NEW YEAR to him or just not say anything LORD help I don't want to forget about him and I don't want him to forget about me

Dear God

 

Ok this situation I know I keep thinking about it and im trying not to think about it so much but I would like to pray for another opportunity with him and I pray that it wont be so awkward and hopefully he didn't forget about me or isn't over me : (

Just Thinking

 

So I guess I haven't really updated this in a few days but anyway so "he" texted me merry Christmas which is actually very sweet and nice meaning he was thinking about me : ) and I must admit this boy is very different just the feel of how were talking I mean I really am trying not to over think this and let things happen in due time im trying to think about now and not so far in the future but it's hard not to. That's why everytime I remember I have to keep it in the Lord's hands and trust in his guidance.

Also should I text him happy new years?

Another thing is his MF'in age if hes 19 this is CRAZY!!!!!!!

Age is just a number…. Right?

 

Ok so another thing that worries me is his age I really do not know how old he is and that kinda worries me. Im like an old fart with no care in a freaking dorm with a bunch of fresh man

OMG

 

He texted me Merry Christmas!!!!!!!! Yes Lord thank you lol I was so worried that I weirded him out and that he wouldn't even want to text me anymore. But only you know Lord which direction this swill head and I want to place it in your hands LORD you know the plan. But thank you Lord for this.

It’s Official

 

Today I was in a Christmas play with my cousins and I never realized how awkward I really am… Smh…if im awkward and shy around my own cousins then imagine how awkward I am around other boys. And ive known my cousins my whole life. Well I just pray I can grow out of that are else there really is no hope for me LORD HELP and I mean that… Im over that boy cause I've decided he reminds me to much of my cousin Mark. There features and the way they act. Also another thing that I noticed about myself is that I might be just a little shallow. Which is crazy and I pray that spirit out of me Lord.

    Dear Lord,

Please help me overcome this and find a good man in the year 2012. I no I pray this over and over and I will try my best not to be continuously repetitive because you are God and already know my desires so my job ends with faith. I place my concerns and hopes over to you about a man. I also pray for a higher self esteem and a confidence that does not cross over to conceit.

Im Over It

Im soo over it…. If it happens than it happens. I need to stop rushing things and hoping for things in due time things will happen I just have to have faith in God that I will find that someone I may be far from that goal but at least im on the path towards that goal and I just hope I can remember this.

Prayer

Lord I have faith that you will find that person for me I have faith in you that I will find happiness. Lord I have faith in your plan that I will find my future partner with your blessing prayerfuly…. Or maybe a "Mr-Right-Now" ; )

Ah-Hah

O

 

Ok so I've still been thinking about…. Well I bet u can guess…. The "Guy" lol so I think the issue was when he suggested things I basically turned them down without suggesting other things to do. It wasn't as if he didn't plan on chilling its just I wasn't suggesting anything in place of it. Also I read somewhere that girls tend to kill the gazing into the eye thing. SOO I need to lay off on that and just talk. I need to ask questions and lead to another conversation…. Man I wish I knew. If I had at least suggested things he probably would have stayed. AWWW shucks.

Well anyway If God blesses me with another opportunity with him especially or another guy I pray that I can at least master that mistake now that I recognize him . LORD help I do not want to be an awkward over thinking girly girl or that is definitely how I will be single for the rest of my life.

 

Prayer

Lord im asking for encouragement and perhaps if its meant to be to place me back in a position where I can talk to him or at least meet another guy that is actually worth spending time on. Please Lord help me give me the words to say and the comfort to say them. I need you more than ever and I want nothing more for your blessing and guidance in my relations with guys. Help me please and please except this prayer. I will avoid "certain" things in hope of these situations with a guy.

Why???!

 

    Why do I keep thinking about this one guy in particular…? i don't even know why I keep thinking about him honestly.

What im Looking 4

Im looking for a guy who loves God, respectful and knows how to have fun firm in his beliefs knows how to take charge in the areas im unsure. Someone who can make me laugh and doesn't take anything seriously all the time but knows how to handle business im looking for someone nice and charismatic and understanding of who I am and what im about. O and Cute would be nice but not a requirement.

It seems that I keep thinking back to one guy in particular. Now he was gorgeous but I just don't think we click. But when do I ever click with a guy sober and not on the phone : ( I have a problem. I cant talk to a freaking guy at this rate I will never get married and find happiness. I haven't even been on a date.

Lord help this awkward single girl find happiness!!!

Dear GOD…

I'm sitting here at 1 am (12/20/2012) and I'm wondering will I be alone for the rest of my life? Will I ever get married? Being alone is one of my greatest fears. I think about it every day. It's scary to think about I haven't even really kissed a boy I mean touching is one thing but kissing is another. Will I be like my aunts and the women in my life no man but very strong and independent. I want to be independent and strong but I want to love to I want to feel what its like to kiss to hug and to feel a comfort that I cannot feel alone or from anybody else. PLEASE LORD help. It seems as though everyone is progressing except me and I'm not looking for sex I'm looking for love and how do I find it. Please Lord Lead me in a path of righteousness where I find someone who I can love. I am honestly scared Lord and I need you more than anything right now. Amen

This semester is finally finished and it seems as though i would never make it!! but i did thanks to the Lord cause he only knows how i did it. As i reflect through this semester i would say that it has started and ended way better than last year... that's a different post lol.... my self esteem has really improved and i think its because I'm on my on i live in a dorm by myself, im pretty much independent... but on the real i get lonely b/c i don't have any one to talk to at the end of a long day i go to my room by myself. like the saying says "you never know how strong you are until strong is the only thing you have left" or something to that nature. This semester i thrived on the weekends b/c on the weekdays a life did not exist i didnt see my friends until the weekends which was when we partied woot woot. I met BOYS but for some reason that is still my problem area... Well... actually i know why that's a problem area LOL, i do not know how to talk to guys unless I'm drunk... smh,... I KNOW!!! Crazy right... but im just being real when im drunk i dont think i don't second guess myself i have officially reached a level where i dont care and can just be my outgoing sometimes obnoxious self. The problem is i do not know which steps i need to take to get to my care-free-simply-me-self. But thats just a little about my thoughts of the day

Reveltation:
I need to learn who i am and i honestly dont know what the first step is

Prayer:
Dear God as i go on this journey of self discovery i need you more than ever please offer guidance and revelations ... especially in the boy area

The Purpose

So i have decided that this blog will be a place where i can map out my thoughts and goals. As i write i pray simultaneously to the Lord God for guidance as well. I will not try to confine or box this blog to anyone category, i will talk about hair, God, goals, hopes and aspirations and relationships whatever i chose really