Help

For some strange freakin reason im turning into a blond idk what the deal is but its pissing me off. Im not stupid but I think im coming off that way and LORD help. Speaking of which I need to get back in the bible. But ok so last night I hung out with the boys again but this wasn't as fun honestly all Him/crush. Wanted to do was FUCK and im not with that he skipped past kissing and all that other shit. I just don't know what to do anymore. Lord help I know it has been a minute and I really need to work on that . I think that's also a big part of my unhappiness it just feels like something is missing from my life spiritually and in other aspects and I think it's the Lord and our relationship. Lord knows I wanted my Crush but I just don't think that's gonna happen. He seems kinda jerky.

Just another single girl moment

Maybe- drunken decision

So maybe I missed my chance…

Maybe it doesn't matter anymore

Im alone and it seems that's how its gonna be

Big Update

 

Ok so he did text me happy new years which I am extremely happy about lol and ive decided I need to take a big step forward to get the outcome I need.

Resolutions:

• What happened in the past with Curtis should no longer be an excuse not to have relationships and talk and suggest things with boys im grown and I have a lot to offer any body rejection is what helps you grow and I think im coming to realize that. " you never know until you try"
  
• My weight I need to maintain working out my goal weight Is 130 I mean I do like being curvy but i don't want to be this big.
  

 

So ive also been praying everyday about him and I pray God will give me another opportunity and him the courage to approach me and to take away the awkwardness that what ever conversation we have be taken away

AMEN

Forgeting

It seems like im forgetting about him and hes becoming less and less of consequence. If im thinking this ihe is probably thinking the same thing : ( so Idk if I should say HAPPY NEW YEAR to him or just not say anything LORD help I don't want to forget about him and I don't want him to forget about me

Dear God

 

Ok this situation I know I keep thinking about it and im trying not to think about it so much but I would like to pray for another opportunity with him and I pray that it wont be so awkward and hopefully he didn't forget about me or isn't over me : (

Just Thinking

 

So I guess I haven't really updated this in a few days but anyway so "he" texted me merry Christmas which is actually very sweet and nice meaning he was thinking about me : ) and I must admit this boy is very different just the feel of how were talking I mean I really am trying not to over think this and let things happen in due time im trying to think about now and not so far in the future but it's hard not to. That's why everytime I remember I have to keep it in the Lord's hands and trust in his guidance.

Also should I text him happy new years?

Another thing is his MF'in age if hes 19 this is CRAZY!!!!!!!

Age is just a number…. Right?

 

Ok so another thing that worries me is his age I really do not know how old he is and that kinda worries me. Im like an old fart with no care in a freaking dorm with a bunch of fresh man